Dear First Felon,

So apparently, Sir, you like to “think outside the box.” That’s such a handy excuse to saying things that are completely loony.

As a responsible citizen, I feel I should suggest to you other “outside the box” ideas that have a better chance of happening then your idea for Gaza.

Specially, it would make sense for you to declare that the United States now owns Pluto. Yes, I agree that this planet is pretty far out there, but you could not only visit this new state with your close buddy Elon Musk (he would provide the transportation for both of you) but you could serve as a Senator and its Member of the House of Representatives, and I wouldn’t object if you wanted to call yourself its King.

That’s “outside the box,” yet definitely doable. Think of the resorts you could build! And the casinos!

Please let me know what you think.

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger