Dear Mr. Trump,

You sly dog, you! How clever, Sir, to get your lawyer, Michael Cohen, to pay $130,000 of “his own money” to pay off Stormy Daniels because, supposedly, you didn’t really have an affair with her.

He carefully said that you did not reimburse him directly or indirectly, but I wonder how many tens of millions of dollars he’s received from you for legal fees over the years and how many tens of millions of dollars he expects to receive from you in legal fees in the future, and I wonder about the promises you made to him in return for his paying “his own money” to silence Ms. Daniels.

He claims that he paid her, clearly on your behalf, even though you did not have an affair with her. Of course! Why not pay someone you didn’t have an affair with?

Let’s see. There are 194,000,000 women between the ages of 18-64 who live in the United States, per the 2010 census. So maybe that leaves 193,999,960 with whom you didn’t have sex. Why not pay each of them – oh, I mean, have your lawyer pay each of them with his own money – a nice stipend of $130,000? That would come up to roughly $25.2 trillion dollars. That would surely make America great again!

Have a great day, Sir.

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger