Dear Mr. Trump,

I can see now how this all played out last year, when you became the presumptive Republican nominee. Let me know if I’m wrong.

Jr.        Dad, the most remarkable thing has happened. The Russkies are offering to help us smear Hillary!

DT       What? How do you know?

Jr.        Here’s the email I got. They’ll even come to the Trump Tower in New York!

DT       Make sure you bring Jared and Manafort. This is a campaign thing. They have to be involved.

Jr.        Of course.

DT       Now, what’s your story? What’s the cover?

Jr.        Well, first, as you’ve taught me over the years, I will deny that any such meeting ever took place. If I have to fill out any forms when you’re elected – as you will be with all this mud on Hillary we’re going to get – I will forget such a meeting took place.

DT       Good. Deny, deny, deny. Fake news. But, what if someone finds out? You need a story.

Jr.        I got that figured, too. The Russkie contact is interested in adoptions. We’ll say that’s what we talked about.

DT       Haha! Adoptions, like when those soft fuzzy libtards try to help someone else have a decent life! Haha! Good, good!

Jr.        And also we’ll say that we didn’t learn anything.

DT       So, how exactly is this going to help us win again?

Jr.        We promise to lift sanctions, the Russkies find the dirt and get it released. And they’ll feed us inside stuff.

DT       I love it! Beautiful!

Jr.        When Putin heard you beg him to hack Hillary’s emails, he couldn’t resist.

DT       I knew he’d get the message. Boy, I love Putin! He knows how to eliminate his competition. He’s tough. I’m gonna be just like him when I’m President!

Jr.        Sure you will, Dad! I’m proud of you.

DT       All right. Go ahead. Remember, we never talked about this. If it comes out some day, it’s … it’s … a big nothing burger. Can you remember that?

Jr.        A big nothing burger. Got it.

DT       And keep me informed every step of the way.

Jr.        Like we’ve always operated.

So, Mr. Trump, I’m pretty sure I got the essence of that conversation correct. Unless you tell me I’m wrong, my friends and I are entitled to deem this a proven fact.

Thank you, sir, for your valuable time.

Very truly yours,

Bruce J. Berger